She's not Metallica, but she does like to destroy things

Britney's Guide to Semiconductor Physics, Pimp My Ride, Barbie Swan Lake fever dream 🦢

Jun 27, 2024

Gonna let my Nicstalgia Britney mood magnet speak for me this week.

Yes, there are two different kinds of chill.

In this lovely issue:
🪦 RIP MTV News and all of its truly unhinged headlines
🌸 The scoop with Limited Too comeback (I won’t talk about it every week, promise)
📲 Chappell Roan’s Barbie Swan Lake fever dream, uh oh Pitbull aka. Mr. Worldwide discovered AI, Nicola Coughlan’s debut single just in time for Pride
⏮ New news on old things: Gavin DeGraw, Practical Magic, Freaky Friday, Pimp My Ride, Shrek’s Donkey. RIP Baudrillard, you would’ve loved the AI-generated Toys R Us commercial.

Housekeeping:
1. Okay so as a writer, I love footnotes! Don’t forget to read all the fun details at the end – Staind frontman cursing a beloved 80s teen pop star, the Britney Spears semiconductor website, whether Chappell Roan and Sabrina Carpenter are getting purposely pushed by the Spotify algorithm, the Taina continuity lapse, etc.

2. This doesn’t fit anywhere else but is still critical so share. Last week, I mentioned my ongoing vision for a Caroline Polachek album of Celine Dion covers. This week to celebrate Celine Dion’s documentary premiere, I made the album artwork. IT COULD HAPPEN!!!!

ICYMI, last week’s issue included an ~1100 word essay on my lifelong love for Celine Dion, thoughts on Taylor Swift and Def Leppard’s 2008 CMT Crossroads episode, Brat summer, and soooooo much more.

Support Nicstalgia with a paid subscription for less than chocolate covered cherries and seedless watermelon. (Nothing from the ground is good enough!!)

Huge thank you to Nicstalgia supporters who I will love forever: Janine, Marie, Liv, Mitra, CY, and Aleena! 💐💐💐

🪦 MTV News: In Memoriam

RIP MTV News. The site has gone dark, and 20 years worth of digital pop culture archives are gone. Although not all MTV News material is properly preserved via Wayback Machine, there are still many archival snapshots we can revisit. The majority of the stories aged quite poorly over the last 20 years due to:
1. Dramatic shifts in rhetoric around hot topics and sociopolitical issues
2. The now-tarnished reputation and since-uncovered crimes of many male celebrities
3. The egregious treatment of essentially all female celebrities in 2000s media, which we now see in hindsight

Here are some unhinged headlines that I found particularly entertaining:
🕊 Staind Saved My Life (2001)¹
🕊 Destiny's Child Put 'Stank' Into Christmas On Holiday Album (2001)
🕊 Avril Lavigne: No Showers, Just Songs (2003)
🕊 Justin Timberlake Joins Stones At Toronto Benefit, Gets Pelted With Garbage (2003)
🕊 Korn Making New LP Without Giving It Too Much Thought (2003)
🕊 Kelly Clarkson Admits She's Not Metallica, But She Does Like To Destroy Things (2004)
🕊 Britney Spears Can Finally Add 'Professor Of Physics' To Her Resume (2004)²
🕊 Hilary Duff: The Nicest Brat (2004)

I was also fascinated to see these articles documenting the music industry shifting to digital in real time:
🕊 The Argument: The Album is Played Out (2003)
🕊 MySpace To Take A Bite Out Of Apple, Sell Music Online (2006)

Nothing more starkly represents the paradox of digital media than the shock of deletion. At times like these, I think of my conversation on Nicstalgia with Ruby Thelot. My favorite quote in his book, A Cyberarchaeology of Checkpoints, is from internet archivist Rebane2001. “Forget what you lost, save what you can.”

🌸 I promise I won’t talk about Limited Too every week…

…however, WWD got an exclusive on the previously-unreleased details. TL;DR: it’s launching on July 12th in Kohl’s, and they are looking to open brick-and-mortar stores in 2025. It’s still targeted toward preteens, aka. older Gen Alphas ages 10-13.³ Their strategy was to broadly target Millennial moms who remember the original brand. The problem with that logic is that LTD2 was really a Peak Millennial™ phenomenon, cresting around 1999-2004. If the average age of moms in the U.S. is 27ish, the people who already have 13-year-old kids (Xillennials in their early 40s) had already aged out of LTD2 by the 2000s. It’s clear this strategy backfired. The strongest sentiment in the comment section is an ask – no, actually, a demand – for adult sizes.

No matter the generation, adults forget that through the eyes of a 13 year old, there is nothing more embarrassing than dressing like your mom. It looks like LTD2 is just trying not to repeat history. In 1996, it was in its flop era because it was selling mini versions of moms’ clothing vs. clothing specifically for tweens. Kid vs. tween vs. adult is an important distinction to make, especially in the current media landscape, where so much beauty, fashion, and lifestyle content online is absorbed by adults AND literal children. I’ve found myself revisiting the 2007 article “Lolita’s Closet”, where a mom struggles to shop with her daughter for age-appropriate clothing. “While you don’t want your daughter to look like Britney Spears, she doesn’t want to look like a failed Supreme Court nominee from the Bush administration.” ⁴ This is a classic case of age compression: young girls try to look older, and women try to look younger.

I said I wasn’t gonna give them free ideas, but after seeing LTD2 post about a launch party apparently happening today, they need help. (If they didn’t invite the Nicstalgia guests who are many of the top nostalgia niche content creators, who did they invite?) On social media, I would’ve loved to see a mother and daughter laughing together in the LTD2 photo booth; a curious kid sneaking into her mom’s closet, putting on a vintage LTD2 outfit that transports her into a world of her own; or a vintage flip phone or landline phone ringing, with the mom teaching her kid how to answer it to unlock access to the LTD2 universe. Something cute!!! Their social presence so far is too tight-lipped and is lacking the magic, playfulness, naivety, and boldness that captures the complex essence of tweendom.

Since clothes for adults would alienate preteens, merch would be essential for adults: flower logo keychains, reusable cups, tote bags that look like vintage LTD2 shopping bags, Polaroid-type cameras, stickers, compact mirrors, coin purses shaped like Too Bucks. Hey, let’s throw in an inflatable chair while we’re at it!!!! I would pay an ungodly amount of money for a coffee table book comprised of old LTD2 “catazines”.⁵

I have even more ideas for the in-store experience, but they are going to have to hire me to lead Operations and NSOs for that!!!!! I’ve read a lot of their P&Ls and financials and am super interested in this relaunch from both a business and a consumer perspective. If you wanna continue to nerd out on all things Limited Too, read my deep dive on LTD2’s Girl Care products line. (Please alert me immediately if you find that blue hair dye!)

📲 I’m just a simple girl in a high-tech digital world

“You know I hate to say, but…I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!” -Troye Sivan to the entire world in 2024 after having discovered Chappell Roan ten years ago. I’ve been listening to her since 2022, and I’m glad she’s taking over the world.⁶ It’s also been extremely cool to see my favorite content creator, designer Maris Jones, design and build her sets. The apple bong for Gov Ball and Barbie Swan Lake vision for The Tonight Show were absolutely EPIC!! Loved seeing the BTS of Gunnar Deatherage, formerly of Project Runway, designing her swan costume too!⁷

I (post-ironically) love Pitbull. He posted an AI-generated image on Instagram of himself in a space suit to promote his new song with Ne-Yo and Afrojack, “2 The Moon”. He has ascertained his status as Mr. Worldwide…and beyond. The best part about this is that people are commenting “we got pitbull being mr universal before he even came to australia” and “I guess the space is easier to reach than Europe” lmaoooo.

Nicola Coughlan, Irish actress of Bridgerton fame who defies the laws of aging, recently said in an interview that her dream job would be, like many of the Real Housewives, making pop songs almost exclusively for gay men. “They don’t even really sing, they just list things like ‘Shoes. Private Yacht. Caviar. More Shoes.” She always gives the people what they want! The full track will be released this Friday, raising funds for Not A Phase and The Trevor Project. Happy Pride!!

⏮ Rewiiiiiiiind

🎶 Gavin DeGraw doesn’t wanna be anything other than what he’s been tryna be latlayyyyyy. “After 20 years, something has called me to re-record the song Chariot. I’ve changed so much and I wanted my music to reflect this growth.” Good for him! I’m excited to listen.

👩‍👧 The Freaky Friday sequel started filming this week, and it was ALLLLLL over my feed. Excited to see Lindsay’s character’s band members from Pink Slip reunite, especially Christina Vidal aka. Taina.⁸ I’m also very excited to see that Maitreyi Ramakrishnan (Never Have I Ever) and Manny Jacinto (The Good Place) will be joining the cast.

🪄 Nicole Kidman has confirmed that Practical Magic 2 is coming, nearly 26 years after the original movie premiered. My best friend from sixth grade had a Practical Magic poster on her bedroom wall. I’m sure she’s happy to hear this news!

🚘 Netflix Is Resurrecting MTV’s Car Makeover Series ‘Pimp My Ride’. This show was so insane, and I loved it. I specifically remember the episode where the guy worked as a cook at a gas station, so they installed a condiment dispenser in his trunk.

💚 Eddie Murphy Announces Standalone Donkey Movie in ‘Shrek’ Universe. I’m personally fascinated by how Zoomers/Gen Z has given IP from the late 90s/early 00s like Shrek, Spongebob, etc. a new life on the internet.

🧸 RIP Baudrillard, you would’ve loved the AI-generated Toys R Us commercial. As TV writer Brenden Gallagher stated, “[It’s a] Commercial made by no one to advertise a company that doesn't exist featuring childhood experiences that will never happen again.” Not to sound like every oldie, but being a kid was so much simpler then. Although the sociopolitical and economic factors of the last 50 years explain this continued spiral pretty well, this state of hyperreality is still a bit uncanny.

Stage One: Pre-internet, kids simply played with toys. “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us Kid” emphasized the enjoyment of responsibility-free playtime.
Stage Two: Baby Boomers, the largest generational cohort, started having kids. Kids became big business! The idea of ‘fun’ and ‘imagination’ were commodified. Toys become status symbols. Grown adults were physically fighting and probably getting arrested, perhaps even hospitalized, over Cabbage Patch Kids, Tickle Me Elmo, and Furby. “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us Kid” morphed to mean, “I don’t wanna grow up, otherwise I will age out of this store’s target demographic and my parents will spend their consumer dollars elsewhere.” It wasn’t about kids playing with toys, it was about parents buying their kids toys.
Stage Three: Post-internet, -social media, and -mass-adoption of personal electronic devices, children aren’t playing with physical toys in the same way they once did. There is a generational cohort literally called “iPad Kids”, which is so bleak. Even Geoffrey The Giraffe, who is an anthropomorphic mascot, was on a social media tour. It isn’t about kids playing with toys, because there are no actual toys anymore. Just screens.
Stage Four: Now, there are no actual toys OR actual children in the Toys R Us commercial. No Toys. No R. No Us. It’s simulacrum marketing in full swing!

Yes that is Jenny Lewis, later of Rilo Kiley fame, in her child actor days.

🦋 Social butterfly

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¹ This article is specifically about them going to perform at a mall in Connecticut. The lead singer called their performance ““F---ing Tiffany sh--,” finding nothing funny about treading the same path as the '80s mall-pop queen.” I am CACKLING. I saved this as a PDF so I never let go of this precious piece of digital media. Also love how they described the fans as “young and old, preppies, punks, skaters, hip-hoppers and beyond”. Today it’d be like, “e-girls, coquettes, blokecore, olderbrothercore, hackers, hypebeasts, goth rockers and beyond” lmao.

² As you know from reading this newsletter, I go down a lot of rabbit holes. I was not expecting to come across Britney's Guide to Semiconductor Physics. There’s even a Wikipedia page describing this very early viral phenomenon. Although I find this quite gauche, super nerdy, and kinda weird tbh, I do appreciate that the website still runs to this day, and unlike MTV News, hasn’t been lost to time.

³ “Tween” is a broader demographic that historically referred to the 7-14 age range. It stands for being ‘in between’ childhood and adolescence, or ‘the awkward phase’ that many kids of the Facetune generation seemed to skip. “Preteen” is more narrowly defined, excluding older kids and focusing on the not-quite-teens.

⁴ This article from 17 years ago still rings true. The root problem is the Lolita-esque sexualization of girls by adult men. The male gaze is and will always be the dominant viewpoint that is reinforced and perpetuated (by all genders) in a patriarchal society. Mothers are trying to protect their daughters from this the only way they know how – by making them dress more modestly and therefore less attainable, available, or attractive to men. Don’t get me wrong, partial nudity should be reserved for adults only, but the reality is, women will be shamed and blamed for dressing like Britney Spears, no matter how old they get.

⁵ Portmanteau of “catalogue” and “magazine”.

⁶ People are questioning whether Chappell Roan and Sabrina Carpenter are getting purposely pushed by the Spotify algorithm, and the answer is, DUH!!!!!! Someone posted a screenshot of how “Espresso” came up in the middle of a Frank Sinatra playlist lmao. I’ve been using Spotify obsessively for the last 10 years, and it’s crazy how the listening experience and UI have shifted in the last two years or so. “Naked In Manhattan” was HEAVILY pushed by the Spotify algo in 2022, at least to me.

⁷ I got into operations after my visual merchandising internship, but in a parallel universe, I pursued set design and built large-scale, intricate productions. I’m extremely impressed by the quality of Maris’s work as a content creator and designer!!!

⁸ I loved Taina on Nickelodeon in the early 2000s. That theme song gets in my head all the time. Continuity error: the subway entrance that Taina emerges from is the Uptown side. If she was coming to 50th Street in Manhattan from Queens, she’d be coming from the Downtown side. Anyways! Funny that the show was about a girl from Queens who pursues her dreams in the big city, which Vidal was, and in order for her to pursue her dreams, she had to move to Orlando to film Taina.