I can be your thot daughter
FWB FEST experience, Missy Elliott concert, Britney World 🌎
In today’s letter, I share my feelings-forward experience attending FWB FEST, seeing Missy Elliott in concert, and learning about a delightful early web experience centered around the promotional brand activities of Britney Spears.¹ Google is gonna cut the email short, so be sure to click the link at the bottom of it to read the whole thing. There are lots of intrusive thoughts footnotes that you don’t wanna miss.
Please ignore any typos or syntax errors that you may see in this email due to my hindered ability to type. Chillhouse launched their Chill Stix stickers, and they’re so cute, I needed as much surface area as possible to play with them. If you like puzzles, coloring, gem painting, or precision-based crafting activities, this satisfies that same part of the brain. I had a blast designing these! It’s a full blown art project, and it’s so me.
ICYMI, last week’s issue included a media literacy lesson on a photoshopped Britney Spears pic, among many other fun things. As evidenced by recent Mariah Carey “it’s tiiiiime” and Britney Spears skateboard collab announcements, Nicstalgia does not break news, it delivers premonitions. Hope you’re as excited for Ferreira Fall as I am!
Support Nicstalgia with a paid subscription for less than the Save the Last Dance VHS that I found in a thrift store in downtown Idyllwild, CA.
Huge thank you to Nicstalgia supporters who I will love forever: Janine, Marie, Liv, Mitra, CY, and Aleena! 💐💐💐
🌲 FEST was a movie
Two weeks ago, I headed back to the woods of Idyllwild, CA for Friends With Benefits’s third annual FEST. (Thank you to Riley for including me in her recap of the weekend!) FWB is a community at the forefront of culture & emerging tech. I’ve been a member for two years, and I’ve been an appointed member of their Community Council for almost a year. This year, I helped coordinate Members’ Day, led the Town Hall hailed as “magical”, taught a super fun dance class, and Spotify DJ’d at the pool.²
FEST is (much) cooler than a tech conference, chiller than a music festival, and more fun than both. There are talks, workshops, performances, and activities. This is a dream scenario for people who thrive on socialization and want to spend 24/7 with their friends for 2.5 days straight (me) as well as people who want to close their eyes, lay down under a tree, feel present in nature, and go nonverbal. Truly something for everyone. The weekend goes by so quickly, but when you’re in it, time also seems to stand still. It really is like a movie. I had a lot of fun at FEST last year, but this year exceeded my expectations in a much more personal way. (Shoutout to IG for adding 20 slides to the carousel, I needed all of them.)
California, here we come
I was very anxious before leaving for California. I’d scheduled a week-long trip so that, for once, I could enjoy and spend quality time in Los Angeles. Of course, I booked my flight months ago under the pretense that I would be employed full-time again. (You can still Hire Me btw.) It was my first time back to LA (outside of the airport) since losing my hybrid LA-based job shortly after FEST last year. It’s been a really lonely year amidst an absolutely desolate job market. Applying to 200+ jobs that I’m actually qualified for has been discouraging and demoralizing every single day. It’s felt like a situationship, where even the companies that like me and invite me on multiple interviews end up ghosting me completely.³
Massively heavy feelings of guilt weighed on me – why should I be able to take a vacation? But ultimately, money comes and goes. My decisions are never based in frugality, and I desperately needed a change in scenery. For me, it always comes down to what feels right, and I couldn’t miss this event for the world. Although there are few things more distressing to me than figuring out travel logistics last minute, I wanna thank me for accumulating credit card points to cover most of my expenses. Once travel was confirmed, I felt a lot better. My other feel-good LA rituals: Playing “Party in the USA” when I hop off the plane at LAX, playing “California” by Phantom Planet as soon as I leave the airport, and playing former Marina Del Rey resident Scheana Shay’s “Good As Gold” as I drive down the PCH back to the airport.
Although I did not go to FEST to get a job specifically, I felt awkward in “having” to prepare some kind of self-imposed elevator pitch. I was going to be seeing many people I know, as well as meeting many people for the first time. I wanted to put my best foot forward, but it was hard for me to mask my discontent with the circumstance. Yes, I’m still looking for something after my layoff. No, I don’t want to work in growth marketing or social media. No, I don’t care if it’s in web3. Oh yes, I am still single too!!!⁴ This worry ended up being unfounded, as I didn’t really do any networking and barely talked about anything professional at all. Most FWB people know me from the Council, from Nicstalgia, or now, from dance. My short-lived web3 job is already a blip on the radar.
A friend of mine did express surprise that someone who’s “brilliant” (thank you) is still on the job hunt. It used to make me profoundly sad that I have all of this love and energy and skill and talent and enthusiasm and drive and ambition with nothing to pour it into – due to reasons that are entirely out of my control. But after this weekend, it makes me proud, and it reminds me of how resilient I really am. That’s a huge mindset shift, which is a win in and of itself.
I live to serve
FEST’s theme was actually The Year of Validation, and I genuinely feel validated. As someone who grew up performing and living for applause, I’ve had to detach from being solely reliant on external validation and focus on honing my intuition and following my inner guide. I got my aura read, and the sentiment tracks. It looks a bit rainbowy, with indigo at the top and a cute lil orange halo over my head. Indigo represents getting back in touch with your intuition, inner wisdom, and what brings you peace. Orange represents creative spirit, taking risks toward goals, courage, expansion through experience, and saying YES!!!!! So that was the energy I channeled into the weekend.
Not to be dramatic, but I fulfilled my life’s purpose, which is to bring people together and make them feel like a part of something. I got to do what I do best, which is emanate joy through dance and serve as an enthusiastic role model. (This is very aligned with my Generator 4/6 profile in Human Design. For my astro heads, it was also a New Moon conjunct my ascendant omg!!)
I’d been struggling to define how I wanted dance to show up in my life for my entire adult life, and since teaching class, opportunities for me to teach regularly have already started to appear. I’d been chasing the dancer’s high for 15 years, and it finally came from a place of pure joy versus comparison to my teenage glory days. I’d been dragging my feet on hosting my own FWB event for months, and now it’s happening this weekend. I’d been wanting to feel like a part of – and show up in service for – the community, and I got to coordinate programming for Members’ Day. It felt really good just getting to DO things, run around, answer questions, be supportive, etc. That’s what I’m built for. Being a prominent community steward, the People’s Princess if you will, is my strongest suit. FEST was the catalyst, and I’m actually shocked at how quickly blocks and limiting beliefs that I’ve held for years disappeared.
I’m not a girlboss, I’m just a girl
Humbly, I really did serve all weekend, in every aspect of the word. I picked out fun outfits and danced my life away literally four times at my class and at various DJ sets. The pic of Lia, Alvaro, and me from Softt’s set needs to be blown up, framed, and exhibited in a museum immediately. Latashá’s set, of which I luckily have videos from 4 different angles, will always have a place in my heart!!!!! I had to hydrate afterward, so I unfortunately missed Zack Fox’s set. Apologies to anyone who looked for me in the crowd during the lyric, “I’m a bad bitch from the 90s, call me Scary Spice.” Kim Ann Foxman played Avril’s “Complicated” during the transition from Softt, at which point I effectively lost my mind. I heard M.I.A.’s “Bamboo Banga” during a set at the afters, where I lost my mind once again. If I had enough space, I would’ve pulled out the Brian Friedman choreo I learned to that song in 2009.
Speaking of times I lost my mind – Caroline Polachek and Charli XCX b2b A.G. Cook performing at last year’s FEST is an extremely tough act to follow.⁵ Luckily, A.G. was back with his Britpop Roadshow tour. To celebrate, I changed my phone background to a picture I made of Geri at the 1997 Brit Awards with a Britpop dress. A.G. had mentioned in an interview that her iconic Union Jack dress was an inspiration for his new album cover. This picture was not enough – I wanted a cool Britpop shirt to wear to FEST. None existed, so I designed a custom one myself! It says “Britpop Roadshow A.G. Cook” on one sleeve and “FWB FEST 24” on the other. It came out amazingly and maybe I will share the link if both parties agree not to sue me.
The shirt was actually so sick, one of the main guys from campus said, “He’s gotta see this!” and took me into the Artist Relations area for A.G.’s team take pictures. (Shoutout to the girl from AR who came to my dance class and the girl who took my pic wearing Chillhouse nails!) While I was in there, I got to catch up with Iman, a super talented performer from our community. It was a little embarrassing though after the head AR person told me A.G. is one artist in particular that has security. I didn’t take it personally, because I don’t act like a fangirl, but I do resent stan culture, reject stalker behavior, and feel bad that performers can’t just show up and do their jobs without having to worry about their safety. Although I think A.G. is brilliant and I really respect his work, the point wasn’t to meet him. The point was to look iconic and create something one-of-a-kind to commemorate this experience. Done and done.
The music lineup is always top-tier. I was really excited to see VÉRITÉ perform live! Her voice is incredible. Perfume Genius was also great. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing Harmony, who sings the song “Thot Daughter” that I choreographed the dance to. I met her and her family afterward, and she was so nice. I was obsessed with her trashy (endearing) look, complete with a 2000s-coded top, booty shorts, and marabou kitten heels. It was like seeing Lady Gaga at 2007 Lollapalooza or early Ke$ha when she still had the dollar sign in her name. I love her satirical, brainrotted, chronically online brand and music, and I can’t wait for her album Gossip to come out in October!!
Heart full, head empty
So yeah, my life was changed, I turned over a new leaf, my heart cracked wide open, etc. More highlights:
Met two friends IRL for the first time – Pete from DIRT, Kat from my dance class – then realized that they not only know each other, they are married!! I love love!
Met Edmond from Australia IRL!!!! ICYMI, our talk for WORLD OF ESO last year was so fun
Met these two amazing besties since childhood, Veronica and Victoria, only to later find out that Veronica is the multitalented V.C.R and was performing on stage!!!!
Attended Daisy Alioto’s creative fiction writing workshop (shoutout to Daisy for being featured in NYT this week!)
Recorded talks and performances on my family’s 2004 camcorder⁶
Kissed my friends (thanks Rollin!!)
Watched Christmas, Every Day, a highly interesting short film by Faye Tsakas about tween influencers in rural Alabama
FEST really brings out the best in people, and I’m so grateful to the team for pulling it off so well. Shoutout to my friends — musicians, DJs, teachers, intellectuals, artists, designers, memelords, and fashion fiends — for really shining. I love being around people who truly enjoy what they do! How soon can I start counting down to FEST 25…
🛸 You know I’m your type, 5’2” and wear my jeans real tight
It was definitely a bucket list item to see Missy Elliott in concert. Her show in Brooklyn this week was star-studded: Ciara and Busta Rhymes opened, Queen Latifah (and I think also Solange) was in the house, and Timbaland, Lil Kim, and LL Cool J made special on-stage appearances.
The night was super inspirational! My impression is that these people have been doing this for a long time and still don’t take it for granted. Ciara’s main message was “believe in yourself”.¹ Busta introduced I think 4 of his 6 kids and said at one point, “I’m in my emotions now.” Big Dad energy. He looks amazing, and I also just love that HE WRITES HIS INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS IN ALL CAPS. “Touch It” (another song I learned a combo to at a dance convention!) was obviously on Busta’s setlist, and I was really hoping Mary J. Blige was gonna come out for the remix! I was super happy to see Lil Kim on stage though. I missed her local show recently, so hearing even a snippet of “The Jump Off”, one of my favorite songs of 2003, was amazing.
The dancers for Ciara, Busta, and Missy were all incredible!!!!!!!! My favorite part of concerts is seeing if the dancers do the original music video choreography. Watching them perform the same moves you’ve been practicing in your bedroom since you were a kid feels like a nice little wink. The dance community is forever indebted to Missy’s legendary music. I remember where I was when I saw the “Get Ur Freak On” music video for the first time. It was the most avant garde, unique, intriguing thing I’d ever seen. Then, as I’m sure was the case for many young dancers, seeing Alyson Stoner in the “Work It” and “Gossip Folks” music videos piqued my interest in hip hop dance.
Missy is a compelling performer and comes off as energetic, gracious, and humble. I deeply admire her boundless creative thinking and acceptance of being slept on or misunderstood because she’s so ahead of the curve.⁸ One of my favorite lyrics – other than “We Run This” and “1, 2 Step” that specifically mention being 5’2” – is from “Lick Shots”. “And for those of you who hated, you only made us more creative.”
My favorite recent Missy interviews:
‘This Is the Met Gala of Outer Space’: Missy Elliott’s Live Triumph in Brooklyn, Rolling Stone
The First Look at Missy Elliott’s Tour Costumes, Designed by June Ambrose, WWD
🖥 Well did you ever think it’d be okay for me to step into this world?
I really enjoyed Isabella Haid: Digital Ruination and the Memetic Lifecycle for
this week! It dives into “the fanciful delusion of digital permanence” and our dependence, both logistically and emotionally, digital media platforms and repositories that are lost or ruined over time.¹⁰“Those of us who grew up online can easily recall the refrain: “once you put something on the Internet, you can’t take it back.” But reality suggests otherwise: this fear tactic failed to account for the digital ruins which we encounter daily. They are so familiar, in fact, that we have become immune to the threat of loss. Irritated by the pop-up warning of a broken webpage or disheartened by the words “This Tweet has been deleted,” we have outlived the fanciful delusion of digital permanence…We find ourselves unable to “take back” what we say or do from the Internet’s memory not because it became a facet of forever, but because it was displaced, sold, overwritten, or in some way ruined.”
While exploring Isabella’s Exposed Nerves and Archival Impulses in its entirety, I was delighted to see a perfect example of Sights/sites of Ruination: Britney World in the game Worlds Inc. Britney World was made in the early 2000’s in collaboration with Pepsi, Levi’s, and AOL to amplify Britney as an artist, promote her product endorsements, give her fans a place to interact, and provide a virtual concert stage for performances. So yes, Britney invented both the city of Paris AND the metaverse.
🦋 Social butterfly
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¹ Nobody asked, but if I had to pick a Mount Rushmore of my favorite artists of my lifetime, it’d be Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, and Missy Elliott. Celine and Mariah are my favorite singers because they are technically perfect. Britney and Missy are inextricably linked with my core memories of growing up in the dance community.
² Here’s this year’s “I think I’m just a rock chick”/Bimbo Summit/recessioncore playlist, and here’s last year’s Eurodance-inspired playlist for your enjoyment!!! After Elijah’s talk, I’m inspired to actually learn how to DJ for next year!
³ I usually suffer in silence lol because I’m scared of externalizing/looking negative/getting judged for being vulnerable – but I’ve actually realized this circumstance is incredibly common. I don’t want anyone to feel alone, myself included. Plus, it’s very apropos to Mercury Rx in Leo.
⁴ I was at a gathering with friends recently and they said that I should talk publicly about my dating journey and let the people know what I’m really looking for. I have to marinate on that one for a while LOL. As much as I love telling stories to friends IRL, I don’t feel comfortable speaking with the same authentic level of candor online. That being said, I’m not sure why no one has made a dating pitch deck about me.
⁵ I laughed out loud at this TikTok about “How to know if someone is gonna become famous overnight” about The Dare. The answer is simple. Go to FWB FEST, see them perform, and then hear everyone else talk about them 6 months to a year later!!!!!!
⁶ For some reason, the AV out and S-video ports aren’t working when I try to connect the camcorder to my TV or computer. If anyone has a camcorder that takes Hi8 tapes, please let me borrow it – or send me a link for a good one on eBay – so I can digitize.
⁷ Technically Ciara did book a stage, but not as the headliner oooop. Rihanna doesn’t even want anything to do with the stage anymore, so not sure who wins here?!
⁸ Missy and I share Mars and the North Node in Aquarius. The futuristic space age theme of her show feels so Aquarian to me!!
⁹ This article features a few pictures of Miss Fendi Dior, my favorite celebrity dog!!
¹⁰ It’s funny, I usually refer to “digital permanence” by a term on the flip side of the same coin – “media ephemerality”. I guess I think more about the stuff we lost than the stuff that remains. Related: The Shock of Deletion (A Cyberarchaeology of Checkpoints, Ruby Thelot) and Platform Memoriam (After The Creator Economy, Metalabel). By the way, my digital archiving project of 2024 is not going well!!!!! I’ve hit the 10,000 photo mark, maxed out my phone storage, and almost maxed out my Google Drive storage.
¹¹ When I was at Barclay’s the other day, I asked my friend for a drink when they were going to the concession stand. I said I’d like a Diet Coke if they have it. If not, just a seltzer. No Pepsi products. Like imagine, Britney, Spice Girls, and Beyoncé, can promote a product and I STILL want nothing to do with it? Wow.
¹² Speaking of beaches, I rewatched Blue Crush recently. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad. Not enough to say to write a whole paragraph about it. As far as surfing content goes, it was certainly more entertaining than season 3 of The OC. (You know I STAN The OC, but I’m not gonna lie to you and say that Johnny’s storyline was compelling.)